good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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