Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
