Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
