This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
