I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
