I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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