He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
