I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
