and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
