Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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