It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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