either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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