All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize