Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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