and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
