I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
