worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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