UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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