your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
