Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
