Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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