this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
