I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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