I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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