I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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