Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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