that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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