Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
