I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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