Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
