Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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