The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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