I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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