new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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