i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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