Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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