Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
