Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
