Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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