Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
