Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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