Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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