i permit you to call me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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