I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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