I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize