my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
