I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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