Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
