Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
