I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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