I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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